indirectly?

assalamualaikum. sorry been long. not blogging or updating my blog or whatever. i dont know...

yeah, its almost 1st August of the 'full of tears' year 2009. The year hasnt ended yet but lotsa things are seriously getting on our emotion in every state and medium. whether its love story, of friendship, or birthday, or whatever. maybe 2009 is your best year so far but im one among the ones who's dying slowly through the 2009 chronology. whether you get me on this, it doesnt really matter. im saying what the heart says.

okay ima gonna say what happened to my so called 'love life', the reason why i create this blog. to story off the live life. im still waiting. waiting outside the door, for hours that feels like seconds, just to give you your favourite chocolate. we go for what we intend. so i'll wait. i can leave anytime but i just dont want to. i saw your kind and sweet neighbours but nothing like you. my heart goes kind, saying i should give the chocolate to your neighbours but i just dont want to. i saw your neighbours have better chocolates already so i dont think they'll take mine plus still, i dont want to cos its all for you. i can wait for a few hours more. dont worry i can wait. but deep in my heart i can say its impossible for you to open the door and accept my gift. cos i can be anything in your eyes. i just hope you know the chocolate's for you, from me, not from someone else.

- you dont get the above part? ajees i know you'll paham the above part (;-

approach me, to know what the part means.

its been years. honestly 1st august, is when i realised your presence. 1st August 2004. i might not love you for that time but at least im prepared for it. its almost 5 years now. and i'll say i'll love you for another 5 years and more. you've said to me, indirectly, to move on. but why. if it ever hurt you, to know that i love you let me know. i'll leave, i will. but if you ever are alone, and you felt theres some kind of presence beside you, know that its me, loving you wherever you are.

i can say i almost give the chocolates to your neighbour. but somehow as i was about to go to your neighbour, they keep chocolates, a better one, to give it to someone better. so i changed my mind and tried to stay put.

i tried to stay put cos nothing is the same, nothing is similar, to what i felt for you.

honestly i almost did fell for someone, almost, but love takes time brother. it may took months, at least. plus she's in the same situation as i am. she's head over heels for a guy so i'll never get the attention. but you, dearest, i'll wait. i'll wait and will wait. hopes will fade. but i'll follow the heart. i love you.

-chubs

p.s. jees, kau paham ni. im sure hehe. others, let me know by the chatbox (;

thanks

i love her

running 100m in 3 seconds

random post

Hello again Assalamualaikum..

well i wanna unite this post and the one before but, haha reading-fatigue karang eh kamu. anyway most of my friends, this holiday asked me this on MSN.

friend: Hello Bal.

Me: hey (;

friend: how are you? and holiday?

Me: oh im fine never been better. holiday? haha i'd say, im being a couch potato for almost everyday now ;p you?

friend: haha oh really? ahaha im great thanks. eh, hows your love life? goin okay?

Jeng jeng jeng... here comes the jiwang part

oh guys. honestly im im beri the beri pol in lop you know. oh the close ones know much. well i'd say, my love life's goin okay. i mean, ahh let me explain..


well im not with her. im not showing you off that im a bla bla bla but i just wanna make it clear. its been years. well its been 5 goin to 6 years now. i've been lovin and caring and trying. well in that 6 years many things happened but to be honest, loving her and loving other is never same. i dont know. i seemed to give it my all. give it my best shot. i've hurt her before. i wont deny that but there aint no words other than sorry to be said. i mean it to the bottom-est part of my heart with prayers. God will help, insya Allah. Give it your best, you wont regret.

I dont know. she seems to mean the whole world to me but i know, how i look like, who am i. i admit she's got the beauty. And it'll spoil her beauty to be with me. to my thoughts, it'll hurt her for me to love her. maybe i said i'll never leave but for her to be happy is what i really want. I'd leave then, if it hurts her for me to love her. i still dont know wheteher it hurts her or not. but loving her and givin it my all is all i can give.

i'd search for someone that could translate feelings into words so that it can be represented. but what for? my friends keep on givin me advices i should say it out to her but friends, its not the right situation. why? i'll keep that. i can stay much longer. i can wait for her. i dont mind. i love her then i'll wait for her. but im afraid, like i said, it'll hurt her. i just, i just dont know. some said its obvious and she knew already. Like i said, friends, it's not the right time. dont ask me why. the ans's locked.

of all the 6 years as i waited longer im feeling its gettin better and better. im not saying i'v got the chance but me and her's gettin better each day. im happy. very very happy. im only up when shes not down. and it just even make the feelings even stronger. a very soft heart is what i own. try ask my friends for proofs. i can cry easily. especially over an emotional reason. i dun wanna own her but i just want her to know that i love her. its hurtful if she'll never love me back but as long as she smiles from the heart, i can say i will be okay. her happiness my priority.

if im saying i wanna love her till the ocean cover every mountain, then its selfish for me to do that. now im loving you. still. and im right here, beside you.

i dont know what to say anymore
thanks
i love her


CM14
"a dirty shack who fell for a palace"
assalamualaikum.

have a nice day (;

Been long

Assalamualaikum. hey its been long after my last post. sorry. i admit that i wasnt that commited to blogging and kinda lazy too. well most of the time im updating Outs' blog. so anyway, what should i say here? err okay. H1n1. dayyum~


well H1n1 is seriously getting on my nerve. i mean inda pulang aku kana eh but ya know, its freakin' me out. livin' in such a way that i gotta be very very cautious. well, that makes a human better, dont you think?

H1n1 cases in Brunei's reached the 100 border im not sure how many but what i observed when reading brudirect, it keep on increasing every single day. This thing, its just, we cant feel it once we got it. Im sure you all know about it i dont dare to say more cos im afraid im givin you the wrong info.

Because of H1n1, our school's holiday, which is supposed to end by 29th June, is extended for a week till 5th July. meaning on 6th July school lah tu ah. and now's 5th July. sighs. well extension of holiday did give me some time and chances to finish up my homeworks, undone works and revisions but ya know, im too lazy and i keep on saying tomorrow.. tomorrow and now see what's happened. i have about half day left to finish up my homeworks. haha thats not funny. mati. well its my fault i cant blame anyone. yeah? anyway thanks the dudes and dudettes bringin me up to study. you know who you are (;

ahh. and yeah, now its 5th July, 4:49 AM. whoa and im still awake? haha normal~ hehe give you a hint. "You love her, you'll wait for her". ahh easy. anyways, just signed up on MSPSBS moodle just now. I love the technology. Makes my life easier and oh, kinda spoon feeding though but yeah, i wont waste the chance. haha (;

wanna make lots of post. i hope. in this blog. hehe. well see ya then.
Assalamualaikum.
Next post (;


CM14
"i love you"

whutt

hey all. im sorry im not updating my blog regularly cos i've been busy and, i admit laziness strucks my mind ;p and seriously, im not that committed to blogging. heee~

aight. it aint good to start writing now cos mind set inda ngam. haha weee next post ;p

Another song for her

it a song by Rascal Flatts. this song's for her. i really hope she could read this.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most was being
so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

i love you with all my heart
always in every at ease and at hard
i'd give up the world
just so you be my girl
you are my bestmate
you are my soulmate
i will wait for you
whatever it takes

i love you
i really do

****
chubs.

tiring..

ohh. today's Friday the 6th of the heavenly month March, 09. ohhh...


bah today tiring amatt. early morning i received a surprise call darii sii Nabil, hehs a cousin of mine. ya bawa main bula di kebajikan. i was soo lazy but durrg cakap hey're on their way ke my crib. so mahn, appreciate what theyre trin to do so i woke up besiram, shampoo arus gigi, facewash, thats not mandi. mun mandi aii batah saya dijamban tuu. haha so yeah. pack things up and kebawah. Sii ibu buat nasi lemak but alum siap so i left menjangkau saja. namanya alum masak lai mana jua ulah. so off i go (;

then sampai di padang kebajikan, saw ramai urrg packed arah futsal courtnya. so we changed our mind. daripada ramai2 beasak, baik tkar tampat. so we end up main di rumah Abang Yus. i was soo damn tired mahn... batuk selisma lah apalah. inda dapat banyak belari. if not parai ako. haha so yeah(;

got home around 11+. mandi tarus sembahyang jumat. then balik sembahyang jumat lunch, then jalan antar my bros ECA dii PDS orr err SMSS (; then i requested arah my parents to tinggalkan saya di Hua Ho Bunut cos durrg kan kerumah Nini di Mulaut Ban 3. so yeah. they dropped me there and ciao. i was jalan2 macam sii banar di Hua Ho. cari barang untuk party esuk. however i didnt found much there so inda jadi. jalan2 lah lagi. then sudah bored, call my mum minta ambil. then yang mengambil bukan my mum but my 'Bujang Bungsu'. haha so yeah, ke rumah Nini, at 4 my mum ambil my bros and balik semula ke rumah Nini cos we had fun lahh di..kitt sana. so yeah. at 6+ we ciao.

kami ke Batu Satu ara emporium kuning atu baa. searching fr sii daddy punya ubat sal ya batukk. so found one disana and stopped ara this restaurant i dont know what. takeaway. then ciao ke rumah. makan dirumah, its nasi ayam, the food we bought tadii. abis makan, ke Giant lagii cos wanna buy sth. we went there. and i went shopping ;p alone. hehe round round smpai 8+. then balikk.

sampai rumah, on lappy and online. banyak urrg melayan. so i chatted till 1+ whch is around now. bah now i gotta do my hws. s; chem ta yang paling banyakk. shhttt. haha bah eh laterrrs.

not much to say

uhh.. didnt have much to say todayy

after 2 days not attening sch

dayyum i had two tests tadii

Statistics and Chemistry

heh dun ask me how was it

damn its tiring

left with hws and left-out chem practicals

so gotta join other class esuk for chem practical di comp lab!

surprisingly its uh...

From 1-4!!!

bah mati dangan chemist tah ku ni

eyah emo

bah eh im tired mahn

see u soon

readers (;


p.s. I Love U So
****
|;