random post

Hello again Assalamualaikum..

well i wanna unite this post and the one before but, haha reading-fatigue karang eh kamu. anyway most of my friends, this holiday asked me this on MSN.

friend: Hello Bal.

Me: hey (;

friend: how are you? and holiday?

Me: oh im fine never been better. holiday? haha i'd say, im being a couch potato for almost everyday now ;p you?

friend: haha oh really? ahaha im great thanks. eh, hows your love life? goin okay?

Jeng jeng jeng... here comes the jiwang part

oh guys. honestly im im beri the beri pol in lop you know. oh the close ones know much. well i'd say, my love life's goin okay. i mean, ahh let me explain..


well im not with her. im not showing you off that im a bla bla bla but i just wanna make it clear. its been years. well its been 5 goin to 6 years now. i've been lovin and caring and trying. well in that 6 years many things happened but to be honest, loving her and loving other is never same. i dont know. i seemed to give it my all. give it my best shot. i've hurt her before. i wont deny that but there aint no words other than sorry to be said. i mean it to the bottom-est part of my heart with prayers. God will help, insya Allah. Give it your best, you wont regret.

I dont know. she seems to mean the whole world to me but i know, how i look like, who am i. i admit she's got the beauty. And it'll spoil her beauty to be with me. to my thoughts, it'll hurt her for me to love her. maybe i said i'll never leave but for her to be happy is what i really want. I'd leave then, if it hurts her for me to love her. i still dont know wheteher it hurts her or not. but loving her and givin it my all is all i can give.

i'd search for someone that could translate feelings into words so that it can be represented. but what for? my friends keep on givin me advices i should say it out to her but friends, its not the right situation. why? i'll keep that. i can stay much longer. i can wait for her. i dont mind. i love her then i'll wait for her. but im afraid, like i said, it'll hurt her. i just, i just dont know. some said its obvious and she knew already. Like i said, friends, it's not the right time. dont ask me why. the ans's locked.

of all the 6 years as i waited longer im feeling its gettin better and better. im not saying i'v got the chance but me and her's gettin better each day. im happy. very very happy. im only up when shes not down. and it just even make the feelings even stronger. a very soft heart is what i own. try ask my friends for proofs. i can cry easily. especially over an emotional reason. i dun wanna own her but i just want her to know that i love her. its hurtful if she'll never love me back but as long as she smiles from the heart, i can say i will be okay. her happiness my priority.

if im saying i wanna love her till the ocean cover every mountain, then its selfish for me to do that. now im loving you. still. and im right here, beside you.

i dont know what to say anymore
thanks
i love her


CM14
"a dirty shack who fell for a palace"
assalamualaikum.

have a nice day (;

Been long

Assalamualaikum. hey its been long after my last post. sorry. i admit that i wasnt that commited to blogging and kinda lazy too. well most of the time im updating Outs' blog. so anyway, what should i say here? err okay. H1n1. dayyum~


well H1n1 is seriously getting on my nerve. i mean inda pulang aku kana eh but ya know, its freakin' me out. livin' in such a way that i gotta be very very cautious. well, that makes a human better, dont you think?

H1n1 cases in Brunei's reached the 100 border im not sure how many but what i observed when reading brudirect, it keep on increasing every single day. This thing, its just, we cant feel it once we got it. Im sure you all know about it i dont dare to say more cos im afraid im givin you the wrong info.

Because of H1n1, our school's holiday, which is supposed to end by 29th June, is extended for a week till 5th July. meaning on 6th July school lah tu ah. and now's 5th July. sighs. well extension of holiday did give me some time and chances to finish up my homeworks, undone works and revisions but ya know, im too lazy and i keep on saying tomorrow.. tomorrow and now see what's happened. i have about half day left to finish up my homeworks. haha thats not funny. mati. well its my fault i cant blame anyone. yeah? anyway thanks the dudes and dudettes bringin me up to study. you know who you are (;

ahh. and yeah, now its 5th July, 4:49 AM. whoa and im still awake? haha normal~ hehe give you a hint. "You love her, you'll wait for her". ahh easy. anyways, just signed up on MSPSBS moodle just now. I love the technology. Makes my life easier and oh, kinda spoon feeding though but yeah, i wont waste the chance. haha (;

wanna make lots of post. i hope. in this blog. hehe. well see ya then.
Assalamualaikum.
Next post (;


CM14
"i love you"